Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Do vagina's smell?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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