Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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