you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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