bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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