Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
