is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
