He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
