I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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