Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
