I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
