He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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