I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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