you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
