Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
