I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
