Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
ttyl tear gas
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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