Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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