even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
