I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
