just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
