got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
