you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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