just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
