Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
