i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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