You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
