I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
