He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Randomize
