So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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