It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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