i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
