Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
