Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
