Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
