She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
