is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
