The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
