insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
