I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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