I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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