ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
