He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
