She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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