it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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