I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
