is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
