So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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