If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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