I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
