I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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