she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
